I missed the past few daily prompts. I started several drafts but couldn’t connect the mental dots into anything logical at the time. So, in Draft Land they will stay.

I’ll give you a quick recap, though, because the irony is not lost on me.

On Thursday, the prompt was “what is the last live performance you saw”. Well, funny you should ask that DayOne, because on that very day we were attending my daughter’s last concert of the school year. Which I thoroughly enjoyed! Judging from the smirks and snide comments of the parents around me, however, it seems a lot of parents find kids’ concerts cringey. Which really pisses me off. Shame on them! I find it truly fascinating that a child, who had prior to that year never picked up a musical instrument, learned to read sheet music, keep tempo, and actually play an instrument.

Perhaps my awe is based on the fact that I have zero musical talent. I “played” the trumpet in 6th grade, but that pretty much amounted to mimicking the kid next to me, picking up my instrument when he did, fake blowing into the mouthpiece, and pressing the valves a few short seconds after my 2nd to last chair classmate. The only thing I truly learned how to play was the opening of the Pee Wee Herman, “Tequila” song. Three notes. Pee Wee Herman kept better tempo than I ever did.

Yesterday’s “what are your career plans” prompt produced a wide array of feelings, some passionate, some borderline deranged. Completely exhausted by my workweek, the only thing I could come up with is “try not to have a nervous breakdown”.

For as long as I can remember, my career aspirations were simply to survive. My job was nothing more than a means to an end. I never understood the concept of loving a job. Do people actually like to work? It’s work. Even writing – I love to write, but if I had to do it, it would become chore-like. What’s the fun in that?

Oh sure, I had dreams. When I was younger, I wanted to go to school for Marine Biology, specifically to pursue a career as a Shark Biologist. I joined the military to pay for said college, even got a cool shark tattoo to solidify my goals. Somewhere between high school graduation, falling for a smooth-talking boy, getting married, and having my first child, my career aspirations slid to the back burner.

When the now sharp-talking boy and I decided to go our separate ways, ‘Shark Biologist’ was stuck in the back of the fridge and forgotten about while I struggled to support my daughter and I. We persisted. We did more than survive, we thrived. It took a while, but with each better paying job, “living” became a little easier and the thought of giving all that up to chase a dream became unattractive.

I sit here today in a job that is equal parts mentally exhausting and satisfying. Okay, maybe leaning more toward exhausting. I do have an amazing team of uber smart staff. I take pride in knowing that I am leading those individuals toward their professional success. And yet, I have no idea what plans I have for my future. Some days I aspire to a Director position, or even an SES. Some days I just want to stay the course, try not to crash and burn, and retire quietly knowing that I gave it my all.

I am going to bypass today’s prompt “what public figure do you disagree with the most” because the list is long and I don’t have the energy to try and narrow it down and/or make a logical argument why I disagree with him/her, other than “I don’t like them”.

Until next time!

~Cari~