My father has a weak stomach. Several years ago, I was cleaning out his refrigerator on one of my visits and found a package of hotdogs that had been there a while. Dad, hesitant to get too close, but supervising my "toss or no-toss" operation, stops me mid throw - "Don't throw those away!! I …
Category: Laughter is the Best Medicine
Back to the Ballgame
James, my nine-year old word master, strikes again. About to leave for his 9:00am park district baseball game this morning, James questions our mode of transportation: "Mom, are we taking your car or the Delorean?" "Considering we don't own a Delorean, James, but a Durango," I replied, " we will probably just take my car."
The Stealing Drawer
I love my kids. But there is no one in the world who will test my patience or make me question my sanity more than one of them. Well, maybe my husband, but I’ll save that for another post. Over a year ago, my eldest took flight and moved out of the house to attend college …
Hide the Evidence
"Grumpy Cat" and Xena got into a fight last night while MacKenzie was sleeping unsuspectingly in the same room. Grumpy Cat lost. To thwart a Level 7, International Nuclear Event Meltdown provided by my cat-obsessed four-year old, I did what any proactive Mama would do: I swiftly collected Grumpy Cat's carcass and brain matter off …
Alaina is Sausage!
Today was my oldest daughter's last day of high school. Ever. <sniff> Wanting to make a lasting impression on the rest of her senior class, Alaina decided to get dressed up this morning before school. She looked stunning; wearing an adorable white sundress she had (tastefully) applied make-up and had curled her hair. I couldn't help but …
It’s Snowing Skin Flakes
On behalf of all dumbasses out there, I would like to accept this insignificant award of Dermatologist’s Worst Nightmare… I spent the past weekend with my mom down in Daytona Beach. Ready to soak up an extra dose of Vitamin D and get a nice little glow to my ashen white winter skin, I hit …
Crazy Hair Day
This is "Spirit Week" at Kenzie's Daycare. Why in the hell a daycare needs spirit, I don't know. I am fairly certain that the six-month olds don't give a shit if their room's mismatched outfits are better than the toddler room's mismatched outfits. It's bad enough they send home these freaking "homework assignments" once a month. It's not like I …
Door
Ever have one of those days when you go to walk through a door that appears to be exceedingly heavy, so you set your footing in a wide stance to make up for the cumbersomeness of the door, only to find the door was not as hefty as originally anticipated, thus causing you to overcompensate …
Meow
It was Easter time, two years ago in the Land of Guam, when I happened upon her. She was beautiful; her pink and white fur gleamed, and her two black eyes were like bits of polished onyx under the fluorescent lighting. Her shirt bore the embroidered message “hug me”. Awwww. She was the most aesthetically …
Baby Steps, Minus the Diaper
It’s been officially three days post-medication. My mouth is slowly starting to feel less like the Sahara Desert, and it has been a little easier to breathe. Today, I decided to go on a run. Once a week, I normally run the base. It is an easy, flat 6.5 miles, and I can usually complete …
viCARIously Speaking 