I’d like to think that I live more in the present. If I had to choose, however, on where my thoughts gravitate to, future or past, I definitely spend more time thinking about the past.

I set intentions for what I’d like the future to look like. But these are just objectives, plans. Expectation is the biggest form of disappointment there is. If I expect my future to look a certain way and it turns out not quite what I envisioned, I’d beat myself up for failing to accomplish something, not handling a situation as I should of, or just straight up disappointed by what I had in mind compared to reality.

I do spend more time thinking of the past than I probably should. What? This hard candy shell exterior does have a romantic inside. Assholes can be romantics too, you know.

I reminisce on times that were softer, gentler. When life was just a teeny bit easier. I think back to loves that were fiery and passionate and less content and neglectful. Or times where I was more carefree and “fly by the seat of my pants”. I remember times where I felt surrounded by friends, and less alone.

I think back to experiences, good and bad, and how they contributed to who I am today. This provides me comfort and gratitude, much more so than thoughts about the future ever could.