What makes a good neighbor?

The best kind of neighbor is one who is unseen and unheard.

Kidding. Kind of…

I’ve had some GREAT neighbors. Ones that helped mow the grass on occasions, simply because they had the time and I didn’t. Ones that would keep an eye on the house when I was out of country for work. The friendly, talkative types that were so sweet to the kids and I that they felt like an extension of our family.

And then there’s the dentist.

Part of my dislike for the man stems from the fact that we lived on this secluded little piece of the world for over seven years with no neighbors. Our six acres were secluded, that is, until the dentist bought the piece of property behind ours. How do you suppose he would access his property behind ours? Do you think he would lay an access road to the main road that ran on the backside of his property? No. He put in an easement that ran the entire length of our property. The easement that has a full view into our front yard, side yard, pool area, and backyard.

I accepted this inconvenient invasion of privacy and attempted to be as welcoming as possible with waves and smiles and “welcome to the neighborhoods”. Until….The dentist started finding reasons to be up by our house.

He sprayed Round Up along the length of the easement, ten feet away from three of my bee hives. At first, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was completely lacking in common sense and didn’t know that weed killers also kill bees? Until I saw his “like” on the town gossip FaceBook page, supporting honeybees.

When him, his wife, or one of his nine adult kids drove their cars down the drive, slowing only at the direct line of sight into our patio doors/kitchen/living room, we installed two-way window tint. Okay, first we resorted to flipping the bird, but when they didn’t take the hint, we tinted the windows and patio doors.

When I was hanging laundry out on the line one warm summer weekend morning, there he was, peering over the fence. We installed a taller fence.

We stopped mowing along the easement and transplanted trees to help build a natural barrier between the two properties. We let a fallen tree lay, hoping to reinforce our wild fence. Dipshit, er, the dentist, got out there with his little weedwhacker and chainsaw and chopped them down.

The most unneighborly act, however, was when he posted a picture of my kids on the town gossip FaceBook page. Yes, my kids crossed the property lines and were captured on his trail cam in the woods. But, it was a total dick move on his part. “Does anyone know who these people are?” his post “innocently” asked. I watched the not so nice comments roll in for awhile from my “neighbors”. When someone accused my kids of being the local porch pirates, I put a halt to the commentary.

“You very well know that those are my kids, Todd. We live right next to you. You wave to my kids on a daily basis while they’re waiting for the school bus.”

The neighbors, who were moments earlier ready to my hand kids over to the police, aimed their verbal pitchforks at the dentist.

“Did you know that it’s illegal to post pictures of a minor without parental consent?”

“Geez, real nice Todd. They’re kids.”

“Sue him.”

His narcissistic twat of a wife came to his defense, saying she wouldn’t be able to “pick any <us> out of a lineup”. :-O

You know what? I’m going back to my original inclination. A good neighbor is no neighbor.

Kidding. Not kidding.