Who cares?

I have asked myself that question every single time I have sat down to write a blog post, for almost a year now.  Seriously, I have like 12 drafts in WordPress-land that will never see the light of day.  I’ve been struggling, friends and fellow bloggers.  It’s been brutal.

Growing up, and even into adulthood, I always knew there was something wrong with my relationship with my mother and how she triangulated and pitted my siblings and I against each other.  I never had a name for it.  It was just how things were.  It was the norm.  Last May, however, my entire world split apart and a name for the abuse was revealed.  After the final blow, I made the extremely difficult decision to go “no contact” with my emotionally abusive, narcissistic mother.  That, in turn, included cutting ties with that entire side of my family.

While I am not going to go into detail on my very lonely personal road to recovery, I do want to mention that having your eyes opened to a narcissist’s behavior, especially when that person is a parent, makes you question everything. 

I started second guessing how I parented, my behavior as a wife, the type of friend that I was.  Everything I did, said, and posted on social media made me question whether or not my behavior was equally narcissistic.

I tried to work through it with writing.  I posted a couple of “funny” stories, some past writing contests, an opinion post.  I even created a new blog that I intended to use as a way to write about my experience with going no contact. Each time I posted, though, I found myself asking the same question…

Who cares?

I have been second guessing everything I write.  Is this story really all that comical?  Does anyone share my opinion?  Was my new blog just another platform looking for an audience?

Who cares?

Even sitting down to write this post, I have questioned whether or not I will actually go through with it and hit that “publish” button.  Who cares, right?

The thing is, I enjoy writing and sharing my family’s crazy antics.  My life is messy, hilarious, complicated, entertaining, hectic, and so fucking incredible.  I like to write posts that others can relate to, minus the filters, pretenses and falsities.  I love making people giggle, snicker, and belly-laugh with my creativity.  It’s what I do.

So, the truth is… I care.  And while my own flesh and blood could care less, I have an army of other family and friends that care too.

~Cari~