I am an Advo-Failure

AdvoCare – Day 2

… 8:30 last night and I was still wired.  I made the command decision to forgo my last bedtime supplement. Still…

 I didn’t sleep last night.  Not going to blame that on AdvoCare just yet, though, since my sleep schedule seems to be a bit screwed up again.  The hubby and I just returned from a four-day vacay on the beach in Florida over the past weekend.  Something about having zero responsibilities, no schedule, and naps on the beach caused my internal clock to wake me up at  2:00-3:00a every morning while we were gone.  Maybe my subconscious didn’t want to miss the sunrise every morning?  Or the inner 20-something in me caught my second wind and was ready to par-tay once again?  Regardless, I haven’t been able to sleep right since I have been home.

 Running a little late this morning, I threw back my early morning required supplements (with a glass of poo juice <cheat #1 for the day> so I wouldn’t barf all over myself on the way to work), and tossed the two pill bottles, three blister packs, and Slim stick into my bag.  With my laptop.  And all of my important work papers.  Guess what exploded on the walk from the parking lot to my office?  My pack of Slim.

 I get to work and wipe green Apple-Pear granules off my laptop, to the best of my ability.  I am irritated at all of these supplements and powders right now.  <sigh>  But it is only the beginning of Day 2.  I must give it a chance… Got. To. Go. On….

 I honestly didn’t think about food (score 1 for AdvoCare) until about 10:45a, when my stomach began to eat itself from the inside.  This little carnivorous act was so loud that the gentleman in the cubicle next to me asked if I was okay.  So, lunch a little earlier than normal, I guess.

 My mind is still freaking blown about my lunch choices.  Protein?  I get.  Tuna, chicken, eggs, etcetera.  But trying to distinguish the difference between a vegetable and a complex carb makes my head hurt.  I make this tasty little “filler” soup to go with my lunch every day:  chicken broth, cabbage, diced tomatoes, carrots, and mushrooms.  Sounds like a veggie-based bowl of deliciousness, right?  Wrong.  According to most of the AdvoCare articles that I have found (because they all differ slightly), cabbage, carrots, and tomatoes are all considered complex carbs.  So is this one serving of complex carbs?  What about my vegetable?  The few freaking mushrooms floating in my soup?  This makes no sense to me at all.  Grumbling, I peel my grapefruit <cheat #2… seriously, I am cheating on my diet with a grapefruit?!>.  One and a half days down during my 14-day AdvoCare challenge, and I have already cheated 5 times:

Day 1, Cheat 1 = Poo Juice

Day 1, Cheat 2 = Popcorn

Day 1, Cheat 3 = Missed supplement at bedtime

Day 2, Cheat 4 = Poo Juice

Day 2, Cheat 5 = More than one “complex carbs” at lunch (“veggie” soup AND a mutha f-ing grapefruit)

Supplement time, at 2:00p (per my distributor), instead of at 2:30p, which is what the schedule I printed off says… The facial expression I was making, attempting to swallow these things must have been ridiculous.  A passerby’s smile quickly faded as they sped up their walk past my glass-enclosed cubicle.

 And…. fffffuuuuuuddddgggee.  I forgot my protein for my 2:30p snack.  Never mind all that – I am off work at 3:20, and will just grab a handful of almonds when I get home.

 I call my husband on the (35 minute) drive home from work.  He is describing dinner – Greek Turkey Burgers with roasted broccoli.  Marti starts naming off the ingredients that goes into the turkey burgers, ground turkey, Greek yogurt (CAN’T), red onion, bread crumbs (CAN’T) <I start crying at bread crumbs>… “you can eat yours on some lettuce leaves or something baby,” he tries to help.  He really does.

My head is pounding from all this garbage in my body and lack of food in my stomach.  I’m done.

The first thing I did, after kissing my husband and children upon arriving home from work, was dial the 1-800 AdvoCare customer support line.  The nice lady at AdvoCare must have heard the desperation in my voice. She promised a full refund and has already emailed my return label for the unused products.

I made it a whole day and a half.  Call me an Advo-Failure, but life is too short to be crying about bread crumbs.

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4 thoughts on “I am an Advo-Failure

  1. I feel you! I would so totally rather battle an additional 20 lbs. (in my case- ok…maybe 30) and have a SANE happy belly, than to be trim and toned and starving- and let’s not forget half-assed crazy. Because we know that in order to maintain “that type” of body requires dedicated psycho-discipline. No thanks. 😉

    Good for you for returning that crap, and returning to sanity too. x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Fad diets are just… A fad. Even if the pills and powders and calorie restrictions work, a body will go right back to what it was before, if not in worse shape once you stop taking them. This “lifestyle change” is not one I am willing to make. They could have put me in a Snickers commercial… I was hangry, lol. I will run and workout with the hubby, and I will continue to make healthy (not neurotic) food choices. That is about as good as it’s going to get for me! Thanks for reading!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t trust a diet that won’t allow you to eat tomatoes (Dad would agree : ) and makes you stay on a pill-popping schedule. I think the best “diet” is: Everything in moderation (even the occasional girl scout cookie!), plenty of fruits and veggies, stop eating before you feel full, and stay active.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes!! I try and stay away from dairy because it screws up my stomach, but I agree: everything in moderation. Also, staying active is the big one for me. I could care less what the number on the scale says. I care about how I feel. Lately, I haven’t felt strong. But, a supportive workout buddy (my husband), a 5K, and small tweaks to our normal schedule have me feeling much better already! And it is only going to get better. Thanks for reading and commenting Tara!! 🙂

      Like

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